assuming need

went swimming in the ocean at san clemente pier today. last weekend when i was here the swell was way too big for swimming and i had to be content with wading up to my shins and letting my ankles get pounded and bruised by the rocks coming in on the surf. today it was much calmer and full of swimmers, with boogie boards and without.

i like swimming out past the breaking waves so i can float on the surface and bob with the waves as they go in. i wasn't quite prepared for the strength of these waves, though, or the riptide that accompanied them. soon i found myself out further than i planned. i watched the guy swimming near me start paddling in and decided to do the same. it was frustrating to feel like i was swimming but not getting much of anywhere, but i wasn't worried. i swim a couple days a week and, while i'm not a super strong swimmer, i can hold my own. so i didn't panic. i'm wondering if my face told a different story.

because suddenly there was a lifeguard in front of me with one of those red buoy things. i was so totally surprised that when he pushed it toward me i took hold of it. "there's a strong riptide here," he said, and started backstroking in. he was strong, because i could really feel the pull when the rope went taut. within a couple strokes we were back in a safer area, and all the people stood staring at me. i have to admit i was a bit embarrassed. i'm not even sure i thanked the lifeguard, but he was gone as suddenly as he had showed up.

the guy who had been swimming near me saw me and said, "you were ok, weren't you?" and i said, "yeah, i was fine. i don't know why he came out." and that was it.

i've been thinking about it more, and i realize i really didn't need the lifeguard to tow me in. in fact, i was so shocked that he was in front of me that i just did what he expected of me without thinking much about it. the reality is, i was fine and would have been fine without his help. if he had asked me if i was ok, i think i would have said, "yeah, but if you swim in beside me that would be cool." i knew i could make the swim myself but would have been fine with the knowledge that if i did need him, he would be next to me.

now, his training probably tells him it's better not to ask questions when it's a question of drowning in riptides and surf. and i respect that. but i started thinking about all the ways we assume others need our help. when we don't ask but just assume need, we don't give people a chance to say no or yes or not really, but it would be cool if you swam/walked/hung out beside me while i try to do this on my own. we also might figure that, since they said ok, they meant it. when the truth is, they might have been caught off guard, or not known what to say, or figured they couldn't say no.

i didn't like how i felt while being unnecessarily rescued, and i hope i remember what it feels like when i'm in a position to assume what others need at a given moment, and ask a question before taking charge.